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Blogs and bullies

October 25, 2010

I feel guilty when I get bogged down with life, work and my other internet responsibilities and neglect writing for this blog. I’ve been blogging for ten years.. and I’ve gone through peaks and valleys but I am never-the-less devoted to this blog. Thanks for your ongoing dedication to me.

There has been a lot of talk about bullying lately. Frankly, as a mom, bullying scares the crap out of me. All bullying, based on appearance, level of maturity, gender, perceived sexual preference.. or genuine sexual preference is BULLSHIT. Bullying should not be tolerated, either by the parents of the child being bullied, or the parents of the child doing the bullying. Clearly I am focused on school bullying (and online peer bullying) here, but there are many types of bullying, including workplace, online (adults) and social bullying that also should not be tolerated by those affected by it.

I know what it is like to be bullied. I remember it well. I was not physically tormented.. but it was definitely bullying.

I will say first and foremost, that I am supportive that there are many different opinions about how to raise your children or how you deal with bullies when your child is being bullied. There are many opinions out there I agree with, and some of which I respectfully do not agree with for my own family, but it is everyone’s right to have their own ways of dealing with the situation.

And me? I will not teach my child to punch another person. Oh trust me, there are times I wish he would haul off and punch the ‘biter’ in his pre-school that seems to have a taste for my son’s flesh and deal with the educational factors afterward .. but I wont tell him to do it. If he was being harassed at school and needed help, I would be there in a heartbeat, by his side, coaching him about how to react and what to do and if need be or if he requested it, I would step in and deal with it myself. But I will not teach him to fight (I believe that teaching self defense, which I encourage, is different than teaching him to fight). I will always teach him to live a compassionate life.

The lesson I prefer to teach my child is to take the situation at hand, and intelligently figure out a way to solve it. I think this is the better life lesson. To take a situation that is unsatisfactory, even scary, and solve it intelligently. These are lessons he can take with him throughout his life.

In a bad work situation? Take charge of it and solve it.

In a bad relationship? Take charge of it and solve it.

My motto for years has been “Do not stress over things you cannot control, but if you can control it, do something to change it”.

Feel like you can’t change it or you are in an impossible situation? Talk to people you trust. Friends and loved ones can offer support and perhaps give you the ideas and tools you need to change a situation you are unhappy with. Sometimes you need allies to be on your side to conquer a difficult situation (another good life lesson).

And if you feel you need to haul off and punch someone in the face when the provoking gets to be too much (and only then), go ahead. I just wont be the one to teach you to do it.

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