The bittersweetness of expecting #2

February 14, 2011

AlexMy son. My first born.

How I have watched him grow. How I try to hold on to every piece of little boy I can.

Sometimes when we cuddle on the couch.. his little body snug against me, saying “Mommy, I love you”. Often he sings songs to me peppered with phrases about how much he loves me.. his mommy, the love of his life. A tear will spring to my eye. How much more of this will I get? I don’t want it to end. He will always be my baby. Always.

Does bringing in a second child mean I wont have this special time with him anymore? Will he feel neglected? Will I feel like I’m not giving him enough of what he needs?

I know that one thing I will be trying to do will be date night (or day) with him. I want to make sure he gets one-on-one time with me. I know he’ll want it, need it. And so will I.

We are all excited about bringing this new child in to the world, including Alex. We are beyond thrilled to give Alex a sibling and he is equally excited to have one. But I am trying to savor every last moment I have with my one sweet child. My baby who is growing up to be a wonderful little boy who is thoughtful and friendly. Who will excel in kindergarten when he starts in the fall both socially and academically.

But I worry that I wont do it right. That the transitions that will happen in the August-September time frame, new baby, new school for Alex… will be a bumpy ride.

What other tactics are you using to make sure your children get the one-on-one attention they desire? What is your best advice about going from one to two children?



  1. There is no magic right way to do it. And you will feel torn sometimes. But there will be moments of awesome love and delight, too.

    In terms of the next ~year. I recommend Alex and Dave getting into a routine of good one on one time sooner rather than later, and keeping that up after the baby arrives. And after the baby is here, especially in those first few months, sling/wrap/carrier/whatever works for you. That way you still have free hands for hugging and helping Alex.

    I loved the Moby wrap with Josie. Basically I could tie her to my chest, she would often sleep there for 1-2 hours, and I could get around pretty easily with Noah.

  2. I think the most special thing about having more than one child is the gift of the relationship you have given them. My children are each other’s best friends. Sure, they have age-appropriate friends, but there is nothing like the admiration the 3yo has for the 7yo, and the care and love the 7yo has for the 3yo. As an adult, my brother is still one of my best friends too. Seeing the love they have for each other is going to be one of those “tears in your eyes” moments too.

  3. I had the same exact concerns when I was pregnant with Dahlia. I intended to do what you plan and give Lily a regular one on one day, but Dahlia was too needy and no one would watch her for me so I wasn’t able to.
    It was just as well, Lily adjusted wonderfully to her sister and was (still is) happy to share her time with me with her sister.

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