What ruffled my feathers at PodCamp Boston: In defense of the “Mommyblogger”

Yesterday I went to Podcamp Boston. Overall I had a decent time. There were some interesting discussions and I met some nice people. This post is not about the event itself. The event was well run, was in a great venue (though I was SO dehydrated, couldnt find any water!) and the planned sessions were topical. I also really liked the fact that anyone could dream up a discussion and host it. We had a great non-profit/higher education discussion at lunch because of that very reason.

One of these sessions was held outside. The gist of it was.. How can we, as women, empower ourselves and speak up for ourselves and each other to be speakers and presenters in a male dominated field. What is it about us that lets the men get all of those gigs when there are so many amazing, talented and smart women in the tech/social media world.

Great, right?

And it mostly was. Both men and women attended and everyone was eager to participate. There were some great things said and some great conversation but it was one line and a subsequent reaction that threw me WAY off kilter about the whole thing and in fact about the whole day. Maybe thats exaggerating a little but I will try to explain.

Before the conversation began there was mention of mommybloggers.. and I said I was one. I also mentioned that I do more than that as a profession. It was clear to me that just the mere mention of mommyblogger got me judged (incorrectly) from that point on. After that the discussion began and we talked about empowerment and supporting each other, how it shouldnt matter what color, race, religion you are or how pretty you are, just that you contribute and contribute well… all great things.

During the conversation there was one woman who was speaking and I’m going to quote the best I can here.. she said “Mommybloggers, look at them, they attack each other over parenting techniques and stab each other in the back! Ugh!” Then made sure to clarify that she was not currently and did not intend to ever be a mother. There was another who after this said “I am NOT a mommyblogger!” and then repeated it. Her site even has the word “mommy” in it.

This kinda crushed the whole purpose surrounding this great session for me.

So let me get this straight.. you can be black, white, red, yellow, purple or green blogger… Just dont be a mom blogger.

Lets take a look at this for a second and turn it around a bit.

Lets replace “mommyblogger” with another world I am very familiar with… “JewishBlogger”.

“Jewishbloggers, look at them, they attack each other over how to practice their religion and stab each other in the back! Ugh!”

First things first. Both of these statements are true. And I think they are true for whatever type of blogger you plug into place. But replace “Mommy” with “Jewish” and then you’re attacking a religion and that gets sticky. But why is one ok and not the other?

Also, if you think all mommybloggers are like that, then you are reading the wrong blogs. There are so many amazing “mommyblogs” out there by incredible, smart women who are also well versed in subjects such as politics, privacy law, human rights, greening our planet and yes, they also talk about their kids. They blog with integrity and dont attack others for their choices. Its like saying white chicks are all blondes with blue eyes.

Second of all this is EXACTLY what is wrong with women in tech (or any male dominated industry, hell any industry at all).

We are open! We are inclusive! We’re smart! We want to empower/support each other!

But as long as you’re not a mommyblogger. And I’ll judge you first and help you second.. but only if I like you. And then only if you’re of a certain status, or have the right friends. Maybe.

Ladies, we are our own worst enemies. It isnt the men, or the technology industry or circumstances. Its us. We are clique-y, bitchy and territorial and thats what stops us from moving forward and up, from being invited to be speakers and presenters in places, specifically the more industry driven conferences, where we dont already have a personal contact (or have already made a significant impact). We dont put ego aside and give a stranger advice and help. We dont try to eliminate stereotypes and prejudice, but instead we enforce them. We dont really listen, we only experience the surface. Noone wants The Drama.

We are stepping on our own feet. It really has to stop. But it wont, and thats the biggest shame of all.

By just scanning the surface, you really miss out on alot. We all do.

The fact of the matter is that I have been in the social media space for ten years. I am fluent in many aspects of social media, as well as technical aspects of the web. Had you looked past the “mommyblogger” thing, you might have found out what interesting things I am doing and why I might possibly be HIRING people like you in the not so far away future for those things you pride yourselves in being so great at. Specifically blogging, video and podcasting, because some of those are skills you have that I dont, or I need the extra voices. And perhaps I have a skill that you dont, that you want to know more about and we could have shared some coffee and gave each other great information that could have been the start of a great collaboration. Or perhaps I have the beginning of an idea that I’d love to bounce off another smart woman who is in the same industry. Maybe I know a source of funding for your innovative idea. Perhaps I just need some advice from someone. Hell maybe I just wanted to bitch about what is NOT happening in this industry.

We need to be mentors for the future. We need to sincerely offer a hand or an ear or connect two people who might ultimately help each other. We need to be the conduit for change, for empowerment, for intellectual advancement. We need to take the time for each other. Stop for a moment. Listen.

I saw you sitting there.. in that circle on the grass.. all of you incredibly smart, driven women, proud, as you should be, of your accomplishments. People whose blogs I want to follow, people I want to know. Open yourselves up. Dont be blindsided by a word or typecast an individual because of subject matter.

Step it up, ladies. I know from now on, I will.

edited to add that I am just now realizing that the last paragraph in my previous post is a great lead in to this.

p.s. I’m totally PMSing

of adventures, independence and integrity

I’ve been spending time on my other project, blogging at one of my other blogs, so this space has been sadly neglected. My apologies for the absence.

I still think about my last post, and it is still true. I watch my little guy growing up.. and it is simultaneously exciting and heartbreaking. He is growing so independent, and we are so proud of him.. but I want it all to slow down, for my baby to be my baby for a little while longer. Sometimes I hope that noone notices the tear in my eye as I watch him and cheer him on when he masters a new skill. My baby is growing up so fast.

Speaking of Alex’s independence and growing up… There have been many adventures during this very rainy summer. One of which was a great trip to the New Haven area to visit some friends. Kat and hubby have been best friends for years, since college. She and her hubby got married just before Dave and I did. Strangely (and wonderfully), we had our boys within hours of each other. Their son S is much further down the potty training trail than we have been. We had this great idea that Alex would go with S every time he needed to use the potty. So Alex watched, and tried (never really went, but great effort by Kat and S!). When we got home, we continued to try, Alex was MUCH more interested in it since he saw S doing it (bonus!).

I am happy to report that the progress is now MUCH greater! He’s been using the potty every day (and his diapers stay dry) for the last 2 days! We’re so proud of our little guy!

and if I may also pat myself on the back.. I also mastered a new skill. I cooked a duck. A delicious, delicious duck. I’ve always been scared of the duck, but I am happy to report that using a great tutorial, I managed to be incredibly successful at it. The skin was crispy and I made a sauce from raspberries we picked ourselves (there has been alot of fruit picking on our agenda this summer!) and invited friends over to dinner. Huge success! Also, fried up some potatoes in the duck fat. Very decadent and I cant wait to do it again. You can see the photo of this amazing creation here.

a note about integrity… There has been alot of backlash against, mostly, parenting bloggers. Now I consider myself a blogger.. although I mostly blog on topics elsewhere that dont have anything to do with my parenting status.. I do consider myself a mom who is a blogger. Now if that makes you call me a ‘mommyblogger’ then so be it, I am not offended by that title, though I believe it narrows the scope of what I am, I am proud to be a mom. I am also a tech blogger, a social media blogger, a marketing blogger and a local Boston area blogger, so call me what you will. I do not receive compensation for posts, nor do I receive free products for reviews or endorsement. If I did, I would be honest and upfront about that. There is a great post about integrity here and I have signed up. I encourage you all to blog with integrity too, it is important that we keep ourselves honest with our communities and with each other.

Mommy will you hold my hand?

I got a call on Thursday. Alex is sick, please come get him.

I raced home from work to pick up my poor boy who couldnt keep anything down. No food, no liquids. I held him tight and cleaned him up and said “Shhh. Mommy is here”. I held him and comforted him through his sickness and he buried his little face into me and held tight. Through the night we comforted him and gave out sips of Pedialyte and whispered to him about how much we love him. He was much better the next day.

On Saturday Alex’s new big boy bed was delivered. “Look at what a big boy you are now!” is what we told him as Dave disassembled the crib that has held him since birth. We placed his stuffed frogs and his bugga bugga and some books in the shelves of the bookcase headboard.

Monday night I was putting him to bed as we do, by giving him some milk and cuddling while we rock in the glider. I put Alex in his new big boy bed and he said “Mommy? Will you hold my hand?”. “Of course darling” was my reply and I held his hand as he fell asleep. On that night he woke every two hours. “Mommy? Will you hold my hand?”. “Of course I will” was always my reply and at 12 am I brought in my pillow and lay beside him and held his hand. I returned to our bed when he had fallen asleep only to be awakened shortly thereafter to “Mommy? Will you hold my hand?” and I would climb back into Alex’s new big boy bed and lay next to him and hold his hand. I finally just slept there right next to him, holding his hand.

We awoke at 5:30 as we usually do on a work day. Tired from lack of sleep in the night by Alex’s numerous wake ups and hand holding requests, you would think it would be frustrating to go to work on a day like that. And while I was very tired, I trudged on as I always do on a work day, sleep or no sleep, cup of coffee in hand.

And while those days are long, and the lack of sleep can take its toll, I will always get up with him if he needs me, my little non-sleeper. Because as hard as it is to continuously wake up in the night and be functional the next day… the hardest thing I could ever imagine.. harder than not sleeping a wink all night… will be the day he stops asking to hold my hand.

As the world turns

With the new house set-up, I’m not on my main computer as much. Its been mighty cold in the office but now that the weather is warming up, I hope to find more time to come down and catch up.

Work has been busy.. a very large and important project that I am thrilled to be a part of.. but it definitely keeps me busy elsewhere in internet land.

Alex is amazing and wonderful and is such a big boy now. His knowledge and language and skills amaze me on a daily basis. He LOVES being in the kitchen cooking with me, which I sincerely adore. We’ve been doing alot of baking, which is not my best skill, but Alex loves it so I give it my best shot, even if it has to come from a mix because it is a joy to work in the kitchen with him. Funny, all of our cookies and brownies and cupcakes seem to all have M&Ms and sprinkles in them. I bet you cant guess who’s choice those embellishments are.

We’ve been busy socially as well. We spend alot of time with our dear friends Dave and Rita, We’ve had a few playdates for Alex, my mom came to visit and our friends Beth and Paul had a sweet little baby boy. Alex has also been taking swimming lessons at the Salem YMCA and just this past week, swam across the pool TWICE by himself. We’re so proud! We sure do love swimming with him.

Spring is warming up and I cant wait for more warm weather adventures to share!

Still buried in boxes, but we are here

It has been a long haul .. but we are finally in and done with the old place.

Alex adjusted so fast, it was amazing. I think the thing we did right in this move, was involve him in many aspects of what we were doing. We brought him with us to look at places and when we chose this one, we brought him to his new room and let him pick where his bed would go, where his toys would go and where his chair would go. He helped us pack up his toys and then has been helping unpack once we got everything here. We kept his routine the same, just in a different place.

He has not asked once about the old place (as of yet).

We’re still not quite settled, but we’re getting there. There are still many boxes to unpack, but it is starting to look and feel like this is actually our home.

The only downside has been my main desktop computer. We had several problems with it, including boot issues. My (more techie than I) friends think it could either be a bad memory chip, a short somewhere, or the motherboard.

I decided that if I leave it on, it works. So for now, I’m leaving it on and ignoring that there is a possible problem. It isnt a hard drive issue, so I’m not at risk of losing information, but eventually we’ll have to look into the problem more. For now, I’m all about taking the “problem? I dont see a problem” attitude.

Our office is on the bottom floor and it is rather cold down here.. but I’m sure we’ll get that all sorted out.

In the mean time, I’m going to go unpack a few more boxes.