Some personal musings of family and career

I will be having a newborn baby within the next 18 days. I should be concentrating on this miraculous event.

Instead I’m thinking about my career and the things that I have to not do right now  and for 12 weeks after the birth to prepare for this other wonderful event in my life. Thinking that I’ll be missing some critical time and critical discussions while I take time off.

I am devoted to what I do. Weaving the social into traditional marketing, crafting campaigns and strategies that make my employer and clients successful, training those who need to know more. Watching these successes unfold are my triumphs.

It is more than just what I do.. it is a passion.

So I’ll watch while my Klout score will plummet like a rock and conversations with thought leaders will grow quiet. I’ll observe and congratulate others as they climb and achieve and the work I love will be put on hold, my thoughts will be on sleepless nights and a brand new life in my arms, heart and in my home, I do KNOW which is more important.

But

I can’t help but think about what a slacker I’m going to be for not keeping up and what it might do to my future.

When we achieve in our careers are we obliged to put our families off to the side? When we focus on our families does our business influence wane and our reputations falter?

and why do we have to choose? Can’t I be a great mother and an asset to my employer and clients at the same time?

Am I just too pregnant in 100 degree heat to even think clearly about this stuff right now and I’m out of my mind?

Someone pass me the ice cream.

The woes and triumphs of a mom who works outside of the home

Ah.. the mommy wars.

There has always been a push and pull about staying home with kids vs. working outside the home. Yes, there are many who also work from home, and yes, being a mom is also work. The terminology alone offends people sometimes!

And because this is me and I like to speak in fair terms.. all of the below statements can also refer to dads. Dads are equally an important parental partner and can make these same choices and decisions that moms can. Many dads also feel the same push and pull about working. I will be using the term ‘mom’, but please know it can be interchangeable with dad.

I specifically want to talk here about those of us who work outside the home for an employer. In some cases, these are choices we make, believe it or not, some moms LIKE to work (the shock! The horror!)! In many cases, a dual income family is a necessity.

In both cases, and I’m speaking in general terms here, there is always the thought that we need to be at home. Some times we need an extra day to be with our kids either for pleasure or because of inconsistent daycare. Sometimes we want to reclaim that commuting time to add on an hour to our days to make a proper breakfast for our kids before they go out the door to school or to be able to be home when they are done. Sometimes we just need to throw in those loads of laundry so we don’t have to do it on those too short weekends.

Does any of this sound familiar to you, my working mom friends? I thought so.

The truth is, instead of getting frustrated about it, you should figure out what you really want, what would be ideal for you, and make it work.

While the working environment can be hostile to work/life balance, you don’t know what your options are until you try. In many cases, Human Resources departments and senior management don’t know how to handle work/life balance. They want to be fair to everyone. They also want the work done, and done well.

Well if that is the case, show them how it can realistically happen.

Step one? Be a hard working, dedicated employee in the first place. I add this in here because I did not want this to be an assumption. Be great at what you do, always. You want your employer to go above and beyond for you? Do the same for them.

Next, you need to make decisions for yourself. What do you want? What would make the balance easier for you? For some it might be working a 40 hour workweek in 4 days instead of 5. For some it might be telecommuting a couple days a week (and in some cases, full time). Adjusted work hours, job sharing, there are many choices. Be realistic about what your requests are in balance with your typical work load.

Write up a plan. A serious proposal about how this can work. Mom’s Rising has a great template to get you started on the path for asking for telecommuting. Its a good base proposal to customize for your needs. Be fair to yourself, your employer and your clients.

Have patience. You might be turned down or put off at first, in fact I would almost say, expect this. You just have to keep presenting your case and perhaps adjusting your requests, at appropriate intervals. For me these intervals were review periods.

Human resources and senior management actually want to figure out work/life balance. They want to keep hard working employees. There is a struggle for them as well. Be willing to work together to create new policies. Be willing to be flexible, be open to the conversation, and be willing to be the conversation starter.

For me, I have been proposing some balance for a couple of years. I will fully admit, that the timing was just wrong in the beginning based on the projects I was working on, but now? The timing was better, and my manager came to me.. yes, you read that right, she came to me, and asked if I was ready to do some telecommuting. More importantly, she was ready, the company was ready and the timing was right.

So we are working on it, and I am piloting this project. Adjustments will be made, discussions will take place, but this is how change happens.

Am I lucky that I work for a company and a manager who are willing to discuss these issues? Who do care about work/life balance? You bet I am. But you also have to be willing to take a chance and bring it up yourself. You don’t get what you want by wishing for it and not telling anyone, and then get frustated when it doesn’t happen.

As with anything in life, if you need something to change. Do something about it!

One last thing.. I believe that the term “work/life balance” is a fantasy. Even in the best of situations, there will be struggles and conflicts. But I do believe we can make adjustments to traditional work situations to make both a little more realistic.

What do I get out of Twitter?

This post is actually an email I wrote to my boss. We were both supposed to speak today at a meeting, and circumstances prevented me from being there with her. She asked me to simply tell her a few things I would say about twitter to this audience of Jewish professionals.. and here is what I wrote.

What do I get out of twitter?

I use twitter in two different ways from two different accounts.  One is personally and one is professionally as @JewishBoston.

The value I get from both is different as well. My personal account allows me to share news and tips about subjects that interest me, parenting, social media and cooking for example. I have over 600 followers and I follow close to that same amount. It is not overwhelming and I am able to get information that I might not have otherwise found on my own, because my peers are also sharing their thoughts on those same topics.

Professionally is different and tweeting is not for everyone. You really have to devote time to it and be active. If you cant make that commitment, then perhaps starting a twitter account is not part of your social networking strategy. Empty twitter accounts are boring and not worth following.

One of my favorite groups of people to follow are Rabbis. There are many of them active on twitter and they use a hashtag* #WhatRabbisDo when posting things like “Writing a sermon, but I’m stuck. Need ice cream”. Here is the search for the hashtag to see who is using it

One of the most creative uses of twitter was when a group of Rabbis and Jewish educators got together and started a “Tweet the Exodus” campaign. They tweeted the whole story of Passover, leading up to first seder in 140 characters or less as different roles in the story. Currently that same group is doing “Tweet the Omer”

• A hashtag is something people use if they want to link a subject they are speaking about with others who are talking about the same thing. A great resource for hashtags can be found here

For JewishBoston, I tweet about events and voices that are appearing on JewishBoston.com to drive them to the website, but I am also re-tweeting from my colleagues such as JWA, Mayyim Hayyim, JVS and more. This allows us to promote each others work to our unique set of followers. While some of those followers overlap, they are different enough that we all benefit from retweeting. I also retweet from other news sources and blogs if I think that the subject would be of interest to a JewishBoston.com audience and respond when someone retweets something I have posted (Hey! Thanks for the retweet!). This grows your audience and cultivates the conversation for further retweeting. The reason for this kind of audience cultivation is to expand your reach in the community. People need to know you are out there, so keep the conversation going, the tweets interesting and be generous when it comes to promoting others in the community. Be patient and your follower list will grow. Share and collaborate and it will grow even faster.

What ruffled my feathers at PodCamp Boston: In defense of the “Mommyblogger”

Yesterday I went to Podcamp Boston. Overall I had a decent time. There were some interesting discussions and I met some nice people. This post is not about the event itself. The event was well run, was in a great venue (though I was SO dehydrated, couldnt find any water!) and the planned sessions were topical. I also really liked the fact that anyone could dream up a discussion and host it. We had a great non-profit/higher education discussion at lunch because of that very reason.

One of these sessions was held outside. The gist of it was.. How can we, as women, empower ourselves and speak up for ourselves and each other to be speakers and presenters in a male dominated field. What is it about us that lets the men get all of those gigs when there are so many amazing, talented and smart women in the tech/social media world.

Great, right?

And it mostly was. Both men and women attended and everyone was eager to participate. There were some great things said and some great conversation but it was one line and a subsequent reaction that threw me WAY off kilter about the whole thing and in fact about the whole day. Maybe thats exaggerating a little but I will try to explain.

Before the conversation began there was mention of mommybloggers.. and I said I was one. I also mentioned that I do more than that as a profession. It was clear to me that just the mere mention of mommyblogger got me judged (incorrectly) from that point on. After that the discussion began and we talked about empowerment and supporting each other, how it shouldnt matter what color, race, religion you are or how pretty you are, just that you contribute and contribute well… all great things.

During the conversation there was one woman who was speaking and I’m going to quote the best I can here.. she said “Mommybloggers, look at them, they attack each other over parenting techniques and stab each other in the back! Ugh!” Then made sure to clarify that she was not currently and did not intend to ever be a mother. There was another who after this said “I am NOT a mommyblogger!” and then repeated it. Her site even has the word “mommy” in it.

This kinda crushed the whole purpose surrounding this great session for me.

So let me get this straight.. you can be black, white, red, yellow, purple or green blogger… Just dont be a mom blogger.

Lets take a look at this for a second and turn it around a bit.

Lets replace “mommyblogger” with another world I am very familiar with… “JewishBlogger”.

“Jewishbloggers, look at them, they attack each other over how to practice their religion and stab each other in the back! Ugh!”

First things first. Both of these statements are true. And I think they are true for whatever type of blogger you plug into place. But replace “Mommy” with “Jewish” and then you’re attacking a religion and that gets sticky. But why is one ok and not the other?

Also, if you think all mommybloggers are like that, then you are reading the wrong blogs. There are so many amazing “mommyblogs” out there by incredible, smart women who are also well versed in subjects such as politics, privacy law, human rights, greening our planet and yes, they also talk about their kids. They blog with integrity and dont attack others for their choices. Its like saying white chicks are all blondes with blue eyes.

Second of all this is EXACTLY what is wrong with women in tech (or any male dominated industry, hell any industry at all).

We are open! We are inclusive! We’re smart! We want to empower/support each other!

But as long as you’re not a mommyblogger. And I’ll judge you first and help you second.. but only if I like you. And then only if you’re of a certain status, or have the right friends. Maybe.

Ladies, we are our own worst enemies. It isnt the men, or the technology industry or circumstances. Its us. We are clique-y, bitchy and territorial and thats what stops us from moving forward and up, from being invited to be speakers and presenters in places, specifically the more industry driven conferences, where we dont already have a personal contact (or have already made a significant impact). We dont put ego aside and give a stranger advice and help. We dont try to eliminate stereotypes and prejudice, but instead we enforce them. We dont really listen, we only experience the surface. Noone wants The Drama.

We are stepping on our own feet. It really has to stop. But it wont, and thats the biggest shame of all.

By just scanning the surface, you really miss out on alot. We all do.

The fact of the matter is that I have been in the social media space for ten years. I am fluent in many aspects of social media, as well as technical aspects of the web. Had you looked past the “mommyblogger” thing, you might have found out what interesting things I am doing and why I might possibly be HIRING people like you in the not so far away future for those things you pride yourselves in being so great at. Specifically blogging, video and podcasting, because some of those are skills you have that I dont, or I need the extra voices. And perhaps I have a skill that you dont, that you want to know more about and we could have shared some coffee and gave each other great information that could have been the start of a great collaboration. Or perhaps I have the beginning of an idea that I’d love to bounce off another smart woman who is in the same industry. Maybe I know a source of funding for your innovative idea. Perhaps I just need some advice from someone. Hell maybe I just wanted to bitch about what is NOT happening in this industry.

We need to be mentors for the future. We need to sincerely offer a hand or an ear or connect two people who might ultimately help each other. We need to be the conduit for change, for empowerment, for intellectual advancement. We need to take the time for each other. Stop for a moment. Listen.

I saw you sitting there.. in that circle on the grass.. all of you incredibly smart, driven women, proud, as you should be, of your accomplishments. People whose blogs I want to follow, people I want to know. Open yourselves up. Dont be blindsided by a word or typecast an individual because of subject matter.

Step it up, ladies. I know from now on, I will.

edited to add that I am just now realizing that the last paragraph in my previous post is a great lead in to this.

p.s. I’m totally PMSing